Depressive spells from nowhere

2/19/2019

I've been having depressive spells lately, but I'm focusing on the physical things that still feel doable.

girl sitting curled up on black chair in front of large windows with sheer white curtains

My depressive periods have usually been circumstantial. Like when I moved back to Spain but didn't know anyone for the first month and I spent my days working on my needlepoint and sleeping, or when I was married to/trying to divorce my abusive ex-husband.

It's been over a year since I finally got my divorce, and the past year has been blissfully non-depressed. I've had a lot of anxiety, but I'm better at dealing with that than depression. I'll take it any day.

But for the past few weeks I've had depressive spells, and I'm very concerned and confused. I don't see why it would come back, now when I'm feeling happy and don't have too much except taxes and health insurance to worry about.

But I've felt blank (I just keep thinking "I feel blank") and disinterested in things I usually love. This week I haven't been writing or worked on the blog at all, and I didn't go dancing yesterday like usual. It wasn't even a matter of to go, or not to go -- I just really didn't want to be there.

At least I've been able to focus on some physical tasks. Since my mind didn't want to be engaged, I've been cleaning, cutting the grass (I know, some February), marinating meat, refurnishing the office, and even shopping.

I usually buy my clothes at Goodwill, but this weekend I actually went to JCPenny and was pleasantly greeted by a 50-70% Presidents' Day sale! I'm working on upgrading my wardrobe a bit and can now luxuriate in my new, comfy big sweaters.

Photo by Aljoscha Laschgari

An hour ago I was working on next week's spread in my bullet journal and got a bit inspired to cross off some tasks for this week so I watered all the plants and vacuumed and mopped upstairs. It's really nice having a house so I can do random cleaning sprees at 10pm. :)

I think cleaning is one of the best things you can do when you're depressed. I wrote about six ways it's awesome when you're anxious and overwhelmed, but it applies here too -- it gives you something easy to focus on; it's a physical activity; and it makes your home a nicer place to be which affects your mind in a positive way.

It even inspired me to write this, which is awesome. I haven't even been wanting to write at all for a while (the article I posted this weekend was written the week before that), so I take it as a huge win. It really is all about letting small things build up together.

Of course it is so much harder when you're deep into a long sad period. I'm not saying that cleaning your house will magically make you well, of course not. It's not that easy, sadly.

But doing small things that are good for you, like eating healthy things, doing some exercise, and cleaning will help move you forward to the better you're seeking.

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