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Going from anger to acceptance

12/15/2020

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Being dealt yet another bad card makes it easy to sink into anger and hopelessness. This is my little journey into acceptance. 
Woman in brown dress sitting on floor covering her face

So this spring, after running blood work (everything normal) and going to an allergy clinic (I am not allergic to 60 things), I finally figured out that I have Rosacea. This is a skin condition that in my case causes redness on the cheeks and nose during a flare-up, which can be triggered by a variety of things. 

Of course this happened right as the lockdown started, but I got a phone appointment with my doctor who confirmed my self-diagnosis and prescribed me a face gel. And that was that, and apart from the fact that I got really invested in hats and parasols to protect my skin from the sun, life didn't really change. 

Then fall came, and I got more and more flare-ups. The cold was no longer my friend. My cheeks flamed red and my eyes got more and more dry in the afternoon, and eye-drops became a daily thing. Then at some point my eyes were dry and painful all the time, from the moment I woke up. Spending my workday looking at a bright white screen didn't help either (even with the night filter on).

At this point I realized that there is something called Ocular Rosacea, and I got prescribed a daily pill from a dermatologist to help with it. And helped it did! Within an hour my eyes felt better and, to quote myself, "lubricated as f*ck!"

Of course nothing is easy, and this medication is extremely particular with how it needs to be taken. I need to find the very fine line between taking it on an empty stomach and eating just enough fruit for me to not get woozy and nauseous. And I continued to have daily flare-ups of my skin, sometimes for hours.

This caused me to feel very hopeless. And angry. ​
Going from anger to acceptance

​Angry at the unfairness that I now have yet another lifelong illness.

Angry that fine, attack my skin, but now my EYES too?!?

Angry that I now have even more limitations to my life, like avoiding:
  • cold air and winds
  • the sun (I'm basically a vampire!)
  • spicy food
  • hot drinks (gone are the days of sitting on the porch with a cup of tea)
  • stress & anxiety (which, to be fair, I'm trying to avoid anyway)
  • hot baths
  • sauna (which is my miracle cure for when the chronic lyme gets bad -- and I'm Scandinavian, for god's sake! This is part of my culture!)
​
So yeah, I was really bummed. I scheduled a therapy appointment for the first time since August because I realized I needed to talk to someone about it, it wasn't healthy feeling this way. And after that session (and a crying meltdown the day before) I honestly felt so much better. I finally went from the anger/depression step and went straight into Solution Finding, which is where I thrive!

This is where I discover things like:
  • ​wearing a face mask on walks keeps my face warm and cozy, and also protects it from the sun!​
  • turmeric is anti-inflammatory and really good for rosacea -- cue me scouring Pinterest for smoothie recipes, face masks, morroccan stews. . . .
  • my skin routine was already rosacea-friendly -- rose water and coconut/lavender oil. I added aloe vera gel as a cooling agent and voila!
  • putting chilled green tea on my face during a flare-up has amazing results!

Even though it still sucks that this is happening to me -- it's not as bad as it felt a week ago. Sure, I have to work around certain things, but all in all it's not that bad. I have definitely dealt with worse.

If anything it will keep my skin young with all this care and avoidance of the sun, and for someone who's turning 30 in a few weeks that's nothing but good news! ;) 

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    Hi, I'm Erika!

    I know what it's like living with anxiety and depression, but living and living are very different things. I believe in practical tips and methods, and​ I will use them to help you be the brave, daring, darling individual you are.


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